Sogyal Rinpoche (Tibetan: བསོད་རྒྱལ་, Wylie: Bsod-rgyal; born 1947) is a Tibetan Dzogchen lama of the Nyingma tradition. … Sogyal Rinpoche has been accused of sexual and physical assault and abuse, as well as misusing charitable funds. -Wikipedia
It was brought to my attention that Soygal RInpoche, whose quote I used in the beginning of Bathing in the Bardo, has been accused of sexual and physical abuse. Check out this article in Lion’s Roar Magazine.
The Dharma
I mostly study Buddhism with the Shambhala Lineage that was founded by Chyogum Trungpa Rinpoche. Then after he passed his son the Sakyong Mimpahm Rinpoche inherited the lineage. Chyogum was known for his outrageous behavior. Now the Sakyong has been found, along with many in their leadership, to be guilty of the same sort of sexual and physical abuse and worse.
Imagine my surprise when I found out the meditation practice and community that has been such a life saver for me has some of the same abusive dynamics as the one I had just left. Let’s be clear, RJ is no Chyogum, Sakyong or Soygal. He has dedicated his life to figuring out how to tie people, especially women, to him, not teaching of the ancient dharma.
Is it the same?
The comparison to RJ Testerman’s organization and even the culture is undeniable. The sexual offering to the leader, the covering up and secrecy around the leader, the community declaring that your resistance is your failing, and the shaming and physical abuse, these are all the same.
When it first came out about the Shambhala in a series of reports, I thought that with all the institutionalized abuse in so many of our organizations, from spirituality to entertainment and politics, the Buddhist could possibly show us the way out. In the Shambhala they teach that everyone is born with basic goodness and no one should be left behind. I believe both of those things. Maybe the Sakyong would show us how to move on from this, and if not him, maybe the organization.
It’s not happening
This has not been the case. The letters coming from the Sakyong do the same side step, non-apology, non-admission let’s-just-get-on-with-it tone that is like so many others. There is no law against the spiritual damage by organized religion like Catholicism or even cults like RJ’s.
If even spiritual leaders can’t find enlightenment about their behaviour what hope can we have for the Weinsteins and RJs of this world? In everything there is good and bad, in everyone and everything. Even a newborn baby comes with awful stinky green poop. How can we cast out the best work of some of the worst people? I don’t know, but everyone knows an apology when they hear one.
What are we waiting for?
Everyone knows an apology when they receive one. It’s pretty basic but also hard, especially for those who never apologize.
- Step 1: Express Remorse. Every apology needs to start with two magic words: “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.” …
- Step 2: Admit Responsibility. Next, admit responsibility for your actions or behavior, and acknowledge what you did. …
- Step 3: Make Amends. …
- Step 4: Promise That It Won’t Happen Again.
Read more about the power of apology here.
With a smile, please
Apology is the first crucial step for abusers to bring them back into our communities. If you haven’t, read about reconciliation in South Africa after apartheid go here. They are the gold standard of what it takes to start to bring abusers and abused safely into the same room.
I also liked Pete Davidson’s suggestion on SNL that every time someone plays a R. Kelly song a dollar goes to survivors groups. Michael Jackson’s library alone would go along way in stopping child abuse.
