Change and evolution is as beautiful as it is inevitable
I’m grateful that Sasha decided to share her experience. Having moved out of the communal house one year ago this month, she brings a different perspective. Meeting Sasha and coming to know what happened to her showed me, beyond any possible doubt, that the fun sex commune I thought I had been involved with no longer exists if it ever had. RJ groomed me as a child. My love for him and the “family” has influenced me more than anything else throughout my life. For Sasha, her indoctrination was different and she describes in detail how the coordinated manipulation of the group affected her. She shows real insight into how the social pressure and “higher goals” of the group can undermine someone, even a critical thinker like herself.
Part of me wants to excuse everyone except RJ because I know they are as confused and trapped as I once was. A larger part of me knows that it doesn’t matter. Exposing RJ, the Welcomed Consensus, and Free the Need for the harm they have done and continue to do is the only way any of us will be able to move on. The emails I receive from people who have interacted with them, in any capacity, confirms this. Their lack of response only amplifies the truth and their total lack of integrity. They insist I am lying, but allow this blog to continue. What excuse they make for me or why they don’t stop me if I am lying I can’t imagine, nor do I try to guess. It doesn’t really matter because I know for sure that when dragged into the light, their story doesn’t hold up. No matter how much personal capital Sheri and the other women spend trying to get people to look away, it is not working.
I will write some more about my history soon. I have some drafts but haven’t had the gumption to finish anything. I now receive a pretty steady amount of email from peripheral people with questions. Some just want to tell their story to someone, some have questions or want more context. I answer as I can but I’m practicing titration of my experience and learning to regulate my vagus nerve. The developmental, sexual and spiritual trauma that was RJ’s “love” for me has worn a groove the size of the Mariana Trench into my nervous system. Creating a new groove is my biggest priority. It feels good to know the information on this site is saturating outward even if I have been slow to post. Somatic Experiencing is what is helping me along right now. I recommend it no matter what left a mark on your nervous system.
I also continue to get more insight and understanding about RJ and how he operates. For example, I always knew that RJ used me like a stick. I just didn’t realize how big a stick or the depth of training he instilled in others while using me as an example. Like a well-trained dog, the beaten growl at the stick, not the master who broke the stick across their back. They continue to sit quietly at their masters feet, and try to keep him pacified if not happy. They pretend everything is fine, they are on top of it, winning. When, in reality, they are all alone in their heads, barking at shadows.
There is no being vulnerable around RJ. There is no being victimized, regardless of what actually transpired in a given situation, and that is one of the worst things ever. It is difficult to hurt when being hurt only brings more ridicule and pain.
Being away from the community I’ve learned that not being vulnerable is not being human, it’s not being alive. I will no longer spend even a minute with people for whom I need to alter myself. I won’t pretend to be happy, or interested, or turned on to fit in and get approval. I will no longer perform or fetch so I might be thrown a bone, to be a good girl in his eyes, or anyone else’s. I want real life with real friends and true freedom. No matter how hard this is I am thankful every day that I woke up before it was too late. I am grateful on a cellular level that my real family and I get to have a bigger life than the endlessly recurring feedback loop of RJ’s cult. No matter how much I grieve for the loss of my friends, I grieve more for the circumstances of those who remain in the clutches of RJ Testerman and his community. I hold out hope that it’s not too late for them either.
Thanks for reading.
Christine
I’m so sorry for your loss. Many blessings be upon you. One love
Christine,
Thank you for your site. I stumbled upon your recent post and ended up reading a lot more of what you have written. I have a bit of a “story” myself with regard to WC.
My husband died in 2010 and through my grief process searched the internet for “sensuality” courses/training. I was numb (and naive). The WC site came up and I read their info and decided to take the online course. It was fascinating! I had worked my whole life in healthcare and had two MSN degrees. Never in the course of my formal education had I been introduced to the information they were peddling.
After completing the online course, I opted for a 5-day intensive, paid my $ and bought my plane ticket to Medford OR. Thinking I would be at The Ranch; but wildfires had nixed that plan, and I ended up at another house in CA. The house was in a small community and they were rehabbing the one next to it (I wasn’t supposed to know that). Supposedly, they were going to use the rehabbed house for “training.” Anyway, in 5 days I felt and knew of the indoctrination of this cult. I was hours away from airport, so just made it through.
Wendy, Susan, Francois, Rachel, Ginger and Mallie were there, as well as RJ and his two young sons. I was concerned that the boys were there as it was an “adult” environment. It was brushed off as there was nothing to be concerned about.
During my stay, a group of males from SF came down and a woofer from France showed up. It was clear that the intention was for me to bond to someone, but it never happened. They repeated the sensuality course I had paid for/already taken and moved on to the next course/phase of their indoctrination program. I didn’t do well, couldn’t trust because would ask ?’s and not get clear answer, i.e. How do you handle jealousy? Guess you have to pay for that course too…whatever. The stay progressed, they had an orgy (not present) that seemed to culminate the experience for everyone there but me. Rachel gave me an assignment (and her computer) to write about how/what brought me there.
Food was very controlled and she brought me some yogurt/fresh fruit for a snack after I had been writing for awhile. Apparently, I was taking too long (I write well) and was told to finish. I did wrap it up and was proud of my effort.
After they read it (and passed on to people at The Ranch wherever they were staying due to wildfire), my “coach” from the sensuality course (can’t remember her name now) called me at the house and we spoke. It was a superficial conversation and brief. Wendy and RJ’s sister took me to the Medford airport and couldn’t get rid of me fast enough.
After home for a week or so, my “coach” called and wanted to discuss my progressing through other courses, invited to come to SF. I had a frank conversation with her and that was it.
My naivete got me in that circumstance and my cunning/intuition got me out. It took me several months to process that experience with a good friend. It was like “WOW” that shit can really happen to people.
My curiosity still got the best of me and I contacted “Morehouse” regarding their training, thinking it would be a better experience. Boy, was I ever wrong! I stayed there 2 days. It is bigger and the scam more apparent, many desperate/dishonest people there. Thankfully, I got a refund. That last experience concluded my curiosity about communal living, hedonism and polyamory.
I don’t regret the experiences as it heightened my awareness about my independence and self-esteem. Both places were interested in my $$. I was 63yo when that happened and am now 69yo. Seems like it was a lesson I needed to learn. I grew up in the 60’s in the Midwest. Never was much of a “hippie,” but was curious about that lifestyle and did get caught up in the women’s movement. I pursued education, had a career, loved a husband and birthed a fine son.
Grateful that I came across your FB page. Keep up the good work! In an effort to assuage myself/not feel foolish, my favorite expression: It is all good. It all serves a purpose.
Hope this email finds you well and in good spirits!
Respectfully,
Judy Karg
Hi Judy,
I’m glad to hear that you got away and moved on. It is that feeling of shame that the Welcomed Consensus plays upon that also keeps many other people silent. Don’t feel too bad though they’ve perfected their predatory game over decades. Also, the number of women in the group makes it seem safe to approach. A lot of the information you were looking for is dispersed throughout different people and groups. The sex-positive community is much bigger now and unafraid to talk about trauma and poor actors.
Thank you for your comment, I’m sure others can relate.
Christine